General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Enough! At the age of 13 Howard Caine (family name Cohen) moved with his family from his hometown of Nashville, TN, to New York City, where he began studying acting. I always thought it meant 'Good morning' or 'Greetings, Mate.' He has saved us all. Cpl. [repeated line] Major Hochstetter : Who is this man and what is he doing here! We can't keep a prisoner! Col. Robert E. Hogan: He won't talk to save his life or will he? The show is now better recognized than the serious movies it was making fun of, which is why there are modern viewers who wonder why anyone thought the subject matter was funny in the first place. Louis LeBeau: We don't drink anything we don't stomp on. Having to relay orders of a man like that. Col. Wilhelm Klink: All potato rations are cut in half for ten days. [repeated line, whenever Col. Hogans shows up] My men gave it to me. Col. Wilhelm Klink: You have practically ensured the success of the "Klink Plan". Since when is he running this prison camp? Sgt. Newkirk: Jawohl, Herr General! Be honest! Col. Wilhelm Klink: [surprised and aghast] Hogan, you are the biggest liar I have ever met in my whole life! But you were here. [in an argument with a captain about safehousing a truck and cargo] Colonel Klink: I'm afraid I cannot accommodate you, Captain. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Klink, a German officer has been insulted. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Burkhalter arrives] Ah, General Burkhalter it is so good to see you again. If my head is to roll, all heads will roll. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, you should have been there. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What's there to behold? Peter Newkirk: You don't mean our Klink. I'm a cryptologist. He's very sensitive about that. And I believe a full corporal. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I never said anything about Friday. Take them away. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ah, Major Hochstetter, always a pleasure to see your smiling face. Andrew Carter: Sure. Cpl. A new order is coming, a new order! Perhaps, someday, as a fallen hero, I shall be carried off to Valhalla across the saddle of a beautiful German war maiden, such as you my dear Helga. Colonel Klink: But that would mean I would have to be dead first! Am I not clever? Take that paper out of your mouth. [laughs. [Hogan pulls out two pieces of cake from behind his back] Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, thank you, Hogan. Louis LeBeau: All you're gonna get is my name, rank and serial number. Colonel Klink: In case I'm, uh, recommended for promotion - not that I'm asking you, sir - I'm sure that the board will take my extremely marvelous physical fitness into consideration. : Mix 'em up. But it IS time for Roll Call. He's made you an honorary Chief of the Sioux tribe. You have chosen the most dangerous man in all of Germany as a witness. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What are you waiting for? It's superb. You can transfer to a frontline combat unit. Gen. der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Captain Ritter has been ordered to acquaint himself with Luftwaffe prisoner-of-war facilities. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Then, if you still won't talk, you will be starved, tortured and then shot. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Unexpected, Yes. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Well, how do we get ahold of it? [reads the lines he worte down] "Mairzy Doats, Little Boy Blue" [eats the paper] I realise this is hard to believe, general, but Klink- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: HOCHSTETTER! Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Hogan is kissing Tiger goodbye out on the compound]. Filming & Production Nothing! Cpl. Hogan: OK, I will. Col. Robert E. Hogan: What would you say is the one thing that made the Blue Baron the greatest fighter pilot in World War One? "Funny Thing Happened on the Way to London" has as Canadian Lloyd Bochner playing dual roles as an Englishman and a German. You know nothing! For possibly the first time, Klink is entirely sure of himself]Major Hochstetter: Well, now, Klink, are you ready to hand him over to me?Colonel Klink: Major Hochstetter! Col. Wilhelm Klink: It was a million-to-one shot that the candles would have hit the truck. Sgt. Isaac Bashevis Singer We were born with natural rights. When the Allies march in the front gate, it'll go a lot easier for you if you're standing there with a bouquet of pansies. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [telling Klink what a good catch Burkhalter's sister is to marry] Gertrude is just the kind of woman you need. I *am in charge of security* Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Take him away, Klink. [Major Hochstetter returns to Stalag 13, demanding that Klink surrender the man in hiding. You run such a perfect camp, Klink, you have no need for a cooler. Schultz: No, no, it is Major Hochstetter. That's fifty miles away through the heart of Germany. We have no choice in the matter. If he asks questions, do not act as if you know anything. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Hans Georg Schultz: I got into the wrong conversation. [puts her arms around him, kisses him], Lady Leslie Chitterly: Come, Robert. Unquote. Alright, alright. My mind is like a camera. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan, are you a spy? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Take a deep breath." Major Bonacelli:"Is that an order?" Marya:"Hogan, and a colonel." Hogan:"So you found me out." Marya:"And I suppose the little one is a general?" LeBeau:"Disguised as a corporal." Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, Major Hochstetter. . Colonel Klink: The only orders that I am interested in are my own orders. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, I'm grateful that a lion didn't walk into your barracks. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Honest with you? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, do not try to explain this incident to him. Col. Robert E. Hogan: But you'll have to eat it there. Imagine the morale boost to those young flying chaps, setting down in dear old England between a carpet of crimson geraniums. Col. Robert E. Hogan: No, you're funny enough. The most wanted man in Germany and we've got him. [points to the white wire], Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Cuts the black wire, the bomb stops ticking]. I don't know the answers to any of those questions, but I saw an episode the other day with a smoking hot frauline in it, who Hogan out-foxed and had arrested by Maj. Hochstetter. I'm sick and tired of fighting and bloodshed. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Klink. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [Zagoskin hands him his notebook] Until I clear you, you will please stop inventing. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And a dancing lesson. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Are you crazy, Klink? Anyone within a hundred yards of this rocket will be shot und reshot. [a milestone quotation for the series - Klink admits to Schultz and Hogan]. Colonel Feldkamp would have to be a Standartenfhrer. Sergeant Walters: You're thinking of going there? Bring the Third Reich to its knees." The party was for me." Hochstetter incredulously:"You give your prisoner a BIRTHDAY PARTY?" Hochstetter:"KLINK! Throw away the key. Col. Robert E. Hogan: We'll give it back after we take it apart and make blueprints of it. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, how is dear wife the charming and delightful Fran General? Hans Georg Schultz: Colonel Hogan, he said a terrible thing to you! Col. Wilhelm Klink: They say we are holding a girl. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What do you think my faults are? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [boys are polishing Klink's car] These boys polish the car every time I come to see you. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You think I listen to what you say? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter You're not gonna get anything out of me. Carter: [answers the phone in a mock-German accent] I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number. Now let me leave you with this warning, 'While the cats away the mice better not play'. Back, back, all of you. I was playing pinochle with Captain Broomschmeel. Given the high rate of sabotage near the camp, Hochstetter is highly suspicious of Hogan and comes to regard him as "the most dangerous man in all Germany." Hochstetter's position in the Gestapo makes Klink clearly fearful of him, while Burkhalter, who openly despises Hochstetter, is not. I'm trying to save your *life*! Klink is bucking for rat fink. Are you expecting any warm clothing? I accept it with the deepest of humility. I think the general's going to be ill - deathly ill. Newkirk, we have a job for the Mighty Hogan Art Players. : Oh, unforgettable. Come on, tell us about it. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [talking about the show for Klink] All right, now, the main thing is to keep them entertained till the job is done. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Of course not. The ultimate weapon didn't quite work out. You are now Big Chief Running Bear Who Goes Swift And Sure To Beer Garden. Hochstetter meanwhile has called Himmler, explains the situation and receives orders to arrest Klink's "dear friend" Richter, to which Klink insists that he hardly knows him and that he has no dear friends, a fact which Hochstetter is willing to believe. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Higher than that, my wife. Parody Displacement: Hogan's Heroes is a parody of WWII POW films like Stalag 17, The Great Escape, and The Bridge on the River Kwai. Thank you. Hans Georg Schultz: [savoring the irony] All this beauty! But the Major has a plan to cripple the entire Russian rocket program. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is it at your camp, Klink? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [discussing the Crittendon Plan] All I can say, Crittendon, is it better be good. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Yes, I heard the phone ring, I heard you say Mairzy Doats, and I watched you eat a wad of paper. We had to lose him - he was bad luck. Col. Wilhelm Klink: The candles from the birthday cake. This was originally. Helga: As a warrior, you must feel it deeply. [repeated line, indicating Colonel Hogan]. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: We haven't had a friendly chat at any time. Cpl. Andrew Carter: [mockingly] Lot of work to do. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Perfect! Col. Wilhelm Klink: I assure you I shall give the Gestapo my complete cooperation, Major Hochstetter. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja, I believe I have. [slams door shut]. General von Rauscher : Who are you? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [on telephone] What was that? *I am responsible for security here! Schultz: Me send for you? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja, Kommandant Klink, a man who could have been great, except he wasn't very good. Hogan, I will not go down alone. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Even if the wrong man comes along, you'd better grab him. When I say 'Achtung' I want you all to come to attention at once. Sgt. Andrew Carter: Uh-huh, and sometimes little old men have big old guns. Let me say, sir. General von Rauscher Andrew Carter: Let's get out of here! HOCHSTETTER GETS THE DROP ON THE KILLER, IN MAJOR HOCHSTETTER, GESTAPO H ow's that for a provocative title? : Cut the wire. General von Rauscher: Responsible for the security of our witness. Major Hochstetter : [repeated line, whenever Col. Hogans shows up] What is this man doing here? But we can still get him. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Carry on, but quietly, I have lots of work to do. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't they drink tea in France? And a 'Good day' to you, too, Schultz. The man can't dance. What is going on there? Honestly, I could cry. Ritter: The general was kind enough to let me tag along on the inspection tour. You saw me write down the message. Peter Newkirk: [looking at the burnt money in his hand] It's the story of my life. Now, I know what you're thinking - I'm a writer; why don't I write it myself? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [after Newkirk and Carter have been caught escaping] They weren't really trying to escape. Sgt. He'll try to use the tunnel a day earlier and really escape. [Hogan decides to destroy the German ammo dump unsuccessfully attacked by Sergeant Orchard and his men]. Of course. Sergeant Walters: You mean you're going to stage a raid from a prison camp? Back. And I am operating UNDER DIRECT AUTHORITY OF THE GERMAN GENERAL STAFF. Andrew Carter: You Germans can't get together on *anything.*. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Some of the gang back in Berlin. I was the top man in my unit. The Gestapo is taking over. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, then he is fat. Ooh, I like that name. Rate this quote: 0.0 / 0 votes 207 Views Share your thoughts on this Hogan's Heroes's quote with the community: 0 Comments Notify me of new comments via email. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [muttering] Oh yes, heil Hitler. Cpl. I present, reiterate, and glorify the obvious - because the obvious is what people need Major Hochstetter Hogans Heroes Quotes You may be able to solve it anyway. General von Rauscher Gen. der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You may learn a few things anyway. Hogan: [the phone rings while Hogan's men are cracking a safe] Answer the phone, tell him it's the wrong number. You're not arranging right now for Zagoskin to escape to Russia? Filming & Production Col. Wilhelm Klink: The fat prosecutor, whoever that is. Take him away, Klink. For me? Cpl. Therefore Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Colonel Klink: Of course, you want me to handle it with my usual Klink efficiency, General. Do you allow this sort of thing? WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? [no response] Achtung! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR SECURITY HERE. Col. Robert E. Hogan: LeBeau, my boy, I'm holding you in reserve. Hogan: There's never a cop when you need one, [Hogan impersonating Gestapo and holds up a General at gunpoint]. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Traitors, all of you. Actor: Judgment at Nuremberg. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [after catching Schultz accepting items from the prisoners] Cigarettes? https://www.quotes.net/movies/hogan's_heroes_103035, https://www.quotes.net/movies/hogan's_heroes_quotes_103035. Colonel Klink: Glad to have you with us, Captain. Hans Georg Schultz: No, no. Even that will not discourage me. I'm worried about spying. Col. Robert E. Hogan: If you stood any closer to them, your Iron Cross would get rusty. Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't you know no one is allowed outside after roll call? Harold J Stone and Howard Caine make the believable and entertaining. Not sufficient entertainment, perhaps. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Not long enough, Klink. Review 8 Howard Caine does a great job in this episode This is a nice story that was well acted. Cpl. Cpl. Of course you are. Himmler is a rat fink. Col. Robert E. Hogan Col. Wilhelm Klink: Be quiet and listen to the music! Beggars can't be choosers, you know. Louis LeBeau: And I cooked that whole pot of chow mein with sauerkraut. He doesn't have a clue. Hans Georg Schultz: Why? Back to Stalag 13. Louis LeBeau: What about me, Colonel? Col. Wilhelm Klink: It was a great personal loss to me. Capt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, oh, Herr General, you're much thinner than I thought you'd be. Born Howard Cohen in Nashville, Tennessee, he appeared in a Hal Roach Our Gang skit that was being filmed there, and took an interest in becoming an actor. General: But I don't want to leave the country. Col. Robert E. Hogan: So what? Release Dates Peter Newkirk: You don't think I'd let a Frenchman make the tea, do you? Are you OK? Sgt. KLINK Go get Colonel Hogan. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [trying to find the three scientist] I'll send to headquarters in Hammelburg. While being heartily congratulated by the painter, painter's daughter, LeBeau & Hogan Hogan asks] How'd you do that? General von Rauscher: Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor? *What is this man doing here?*. | Hochstetter for example would have to be a Sturmbannfhrer. Andrew Carter: [dressed as Klink] Maybe you better run through it once more. Cpl. Yes, Major Hochstetter. Who's worried about firing? Cpl. : General der Infantrie Albert Burkhalter: Physical fitness is one thing. Sgt. : General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Order your men to search the area. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Maybe the Major didn't mean it when he said 'heads will roll.' Major Hochstetter has found a U.S. Armed Forces button a. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: During the days, the temperature is 140 degrees, and at night, it is below freezing. The War is back on! My lips are sealed. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Your lying! General der Infantrie Albert Burkhalter: No, this time I want it done right. Technical Specs. Col. Wilhelm Klink: General Burkhalter, What an unexpected pleasure to see you again sir. After service in the Navy during WWII, Caine continued his studies at The School of . Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Witness? He studied under Colonel Klink Bloopers [] Major Hochstetter says that Hammelburg (near Stalag 13) has been chosen because of its proximity to Dsseldorf, but his geography is way off -- Hammelburg is 250KM from Dsseldorf. Col. Wilhelm Klink: One of the radio detector units has picked up a wireless sending coded messages. Louis LeBeau: How do we get it in here? [slide, Klink's desk is full of curdled-up papers] I got it. Col. Wilhelm Klink: That I'd have to think over. Andrew Carter: Well, I'm still willing to try, Colonel. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: That is me. Col. Wilhelm Klink: But, But this is classified, General. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: It is about his defense counsel. That's worthy of Himmler himself, major. Louis LeBeau: The new girlie magazines must be in from Paris. And I am operating UNDER DIRECT AUTHORITY OF THE GERMAN GENERAL STAFF. Nothing says you like your voice. Peter Newkirk: All the way around? Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: They *shot* Holtz trying to escape- you're next! Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's the hotel, all right. Col. Robert E. Hogan: After two years here, who cares what they look like? Louis LeBeau: Maybe they'll drop us some USO girls. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Witness? : Cpl. Hans Georg Schultz: What do you think? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. [Newkirk and Carter are found near the camp fence]. Major Richard Leman: [addressing the flyers] All of you have been chosen for 'Operation Albatross'. Uh, did you come on military business, or is this a social call? Failure punishment execution by firing squad. How I could have been so fooled by Klink. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, I appreciate your concern, General, but I can assure you, you need not worry about my life being in danger. You must be daft! Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. Back, back, all of you. We are determined to destroy this fool at any cost. It ran for 168 episodes from September 17, 1965, to April 4, 1971, on the CBS network. [Myra and Newkirk are being held in a German prison]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, you have nothing to worry about, sir. That British agent? Boy, that stuff is really unstable! Sgt. And Shut Up! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Now, Klink, last night, not too far from here, a convoy was blown up, almost totally destroyed. I'm worried about spying. Col. Wilhelm Klink Here's my reward. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: YOU GIVE A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR A PRISONER?

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